Wednesday, October 27, 2010


It's serious hunker down winter time around here. The heat's on, the warm woolens are out and the big socks are on! There's nothing more cozy than a little baby snuggling in though. Natanya has a funny little bald stripe (which I should take a picture of) across the back of her head because she uses her head as a rudder to scootch across the bed on. She loves to be close and warm and literally pushes us to the very edge of the bed every night.
My brain is mush but I don't really have to use it for much these days so it's okay. I've managed to sell a drawing which makes me feel good and also makes me feel some motivation to get back on track with trying to earn some extra dough from home. I'm taking suggestions and would welcome partnerships if anyone has any great ideas...
These times are amazing. Watching Natanya grow is more astonishing than anything I've witnessed before. I have always marveled at springtime and flowers and the way vegetables grow from seeds in the ground.... I have always been amazed by the sky and the sea and the relationships between everything, always finding connections....
But this is altogether something new. This tiny being who came from even tinier tinyness just grows and opens up and unfolds like magic. The little systems start to work better and better. The little bones and ligaments and all the other parts that make the body work, they all grow in unison.... I had an overwhelmed moment earlier on when I felt afraid that I was not equipped to keep her safe and healthy because she was having digestive issues that were a little scary and the voice in my head said, "Don't be afraid, just watch with awe." and so that's what I try to do. I try to watch. With awe.
And it's truly awesome!
And when I feel overwhelmed I imagine that I'm an aspen tree. Aspens are known for their shimmery leaves that seem to glisten and quake in the wind. I imagine the fear as being the quaky movement and then pull myself into the trunk. The lovely trunk. So strong and also flexible. And then I feel my roots holding me steady with the support of the deep dirt-earth.
It helps me stay calm and then I can watch with awe.
Jono continues to be superman. He's had work in the studio and he's kept the home feeling organized too. He's picked up all my slack without complaint. In fact, I've never known him to be happier. It's been an incredible experience for me to have this steady bass line during the time when I've had less time/energy/ability to be the controlling, type A person that I sometimes tend to be.
So all's well
even though it's way too cold outside!


  1. Funny - everytime I write a "heartfelr" comment - google refuses to post it and it disappears!!!!!!!
    So, no "hearfelt" comment - just that I LOVE your blog page and it makes me cry

  2. makes me cry too viva and I'm not even the grandma! (but I think once you become anyones mama it just opens you up, yes?)
    anyway, thanks caline for these great pictures. I love her flannel smile and of course her flowered coat and her cute sweet face.