Autumn

So hard to believe the seasons have all gone by and brought us back to autumn. Have I been dreaming, sleeping, somnombulizing?! But we are here and the leaves are singing; Orange, Red, Yellow, sometimes Green & mostly Brown. I sing back; tiny Fingers, tiny Toes, all those lovely little Folds!

Our home feels cozier than ever. The cold seems less menacing an adversary. This year will unwind to its final thread with joy and ease and carry us into the next...

It's been so long since I've had a cup of coffee that I almost don't remember how much I miss it. Or that evening cocktail after an especially tough day. I put on the kettle instead and drink some chamomile (good for the baby tummy). Or the late night dancing, out on the town which is now the pacing, burping, bouncing dance all day long. Every night is netflix night although we never actually make it to the movie before falling asleep, or if we manage to get it started we're asleep within five /ten minutes. Size 4-6 pants? Who wears those anyway?! Waking up feeling slightly depressed is something I can hardly imagine though I did just that for most of my life. Now it's waking way too early to a smiling face that fills my heart and my pulse with enerjoy!

I think I've never been healthier

or happier

ever.

It feels like it's been so long since I could just walk into my studio and work on a project. Any old idea that pops into my head. Instead I box up ideas and put them on the shelf and hope I remember what the shorthand means when I finally unpack them somewhere down the road.

And yet I mostly manage to feel fulfilled.

I long for communication though. The kind that takes time and quiet and space. It seems like it's been awhile since I've had those things. It's only been a few months though. And I can already feel that time and space opening up in front of me.

For now, with my little blog post, I feel fulfilled.

I guess all of this is just to say that as many times as I imaging having a child and what it would be like, I never anticipated all that would be missed or the degree of all that would be gained.

But feeling healthy and happy every day makes all that I miss seem meaningless.

Here we have arrived again at autumn.

It's raining light rain and the baby is sleeping. Jono is out tonight. The house is quiet but for the quiet hum of home noises and the tea is cool enough to sip....