the time it takes to change a diaper
and to nurse for sustainance and to nurse for comfort
the time it takes to inspect a toe
or to watch the rise and fall of a tiny chest
the time it takes for sleep to become hunger and for satiety to become sleep
the time it takes for another day to have passed, certainly not 24 hours!
the time it takes for the rash to arrive and then to heal?
the time it takes for the eyes to open
for the umbilical cord to dry and fall away from the belly button
for the face to change again and again...
the time it takes before the first bath the first time outside the first walk to the mailbox the first...
the time it takes to know each expression, each turn of the wrist each stretch and yawn and quiver of lips
the time it takes to feel comfortable in the shower without her or even brushing teeth or having a simple, tiny little pee...
the time that evaporates and the time that extends
the time we made love and made this little person
who we love and who we admire and respect and enjoy...
the time that passes while i feel sad
the time that feels overwhelming
the time that feels like joy in bloom
the time little fingers curl around big fingers or find my chest or fall like butterflies against my ribcage...
the time spent thinking about all the other things i could/should be doing
the time spent being completely present and enjoying exactly what i'm doing
the time spent preparing and the time spent winging it
time in and out of the zone
the time zone of new baby
the heart zone of new time
I can see already that any illusions I had about blogging and projects and (brushing my teeth) are on temporarary as time allows status.
I will do my best to share the cute, sweet love but please know that silence is no indication of anything other than an adjustment to this new time.
My god, even though I knew I'd love this little tiny girl, I never knew it was possible to love this much!!!