Christmas baby doll from mama!

It's almost bigger than she is so when she carries it around the house there is a lot of tripping over limbs and serious, concentrated negotiation... Natanya named her Gala and when they hug, my heart sings!

Works in progress

Work table. * note the new sewing machine!
Learning to knit!
The beginning of Natanya's new dress...
Embroidered book & poetry book
I can thread a bobbin and have 64 stitches to choose from on my new sewing machine. First projects will include stuffed animals and children's clothes and eventually I want to make sexy maternity clothes... There's a real need for the later!

Knitting- I've been putting it off for years & now is the time. Something I can stop and start without any trouble when the little bird chirps.

Books- my true love. Slow going but feeling inspired. Maybe sewn books?!

Possibilities....

Hello

Natanya sleeps in my arms. I'm not sure what to write about, but here's an opportunity to try at least say hello.

So much goes on.

I'm months behind in the baby book with bits of this and that stuffed inside to be glued in/expanded upon somewhere down the line... Piles of projects in the making fill my studio creating road blocks to even the most basic of supplies; glue, scissors, tape... Screens for the storm windows beckoning against the stroller in front of the fabric case behind the 6-9 month old bags of clothes.... A sink full of dishes from dinner last night and an assortment of toys artfully strewn across the floor...

And in the foreground, this baby girl who grows and gives and changes like the spring flowers all over town. As Jono says, it's so exciting as she shows us more and more who she is.

And love prevails. If I go through Natanya's entire childhood without having time to create a single new thing, I want it to go on record as being the most fertile and verdant time of my life!

Jono is fifty! We're having a gigantic party for him this Saturday. Pot luck bbq with a sno cone machine, a popcorn machine and music all day long... We're gearing up for over 100 people & hoping for a warm, clear day! I love a good party, especially one where I don't have to drive home at the end of it.

Our trip back east was really, really wonderful. Natanya manifested her inner gypsy and adapted to every new environment with curiosity and grace. Seeing family and seeing friends felt so good! I missed so many too so we'll just have to go back soon...

Mother's day, a holiday that I never put a lot of importance on, felt good I must admit! Natanya started calling me mama deliberately (not just as a lesson in making sounds) and it just about knocks my socks off! Is there anything I wouldn't do in response to that? NO!!

She's also quite adept at crawling, lifting herself up on anything she can and is ready to walk. Her words rest just below the surface, even emerging once in a while. She says dada, nana (for banana) and will mimic our words from time to time. Still no teeth. Our gummy wonder with a smile like the sun!

She stirs, begins to surface from the dream.

I will be ready

with a greeting

love, a smile

a kiss

I will be ready

to play.

SPRING!!!

This afternoon.

It has been so warm and sunny and it really feels like spring has arrived. It would not be at all unusual to get a last round of winter but for now we are just luxuriating (is that a word?) in the light and warmth...

Natanya really seems to enjoy being outside and everything is much easier for me without having to worry about bundling her up.

She is so full of wonder at everything that I get taken with her into wonderland. It's magic, the likes of which I'd forgotten. But it doesn't take much to bring me back.

And we just giggle and play and try new things... Grapes and ice and bananas and sweet potatoes.... Sticks and leaves and everything in the mouth... Those priceless expressions of first times and learning new things...

Oh, sweet spring! This year's miracle has come again!

She grows, I reflect...

As we all know, I was (surprisingly) among the last of my friends to have a child. As much as I always wanted a baby, there were times when I watched my mom friends have to leave the party early or wake up at some ungodly hour after not having left the party early enough, when I thought to myself, sheesh, what a drag...

And as much as I always wanted a baby I worried that I might not have the stamina for parenthood. I like and need my sleep! At least I used to. Need it I mean. I still like it but have come to realize that I can go for long, long stretches without enough of it...

And as much as I always wanted a baby, I secretly wondered about how selfless I would possibly be. I wondered if I would be able to maintain mommyness when other, maybe more fun stuff came along...

And now I understand something that I guess can only be understood by experience. The love and the overriding instinct to nurture and fulfillment from nurturing is constant. Mamma isn't something that you turn on or off or that comes and goes with mood or whim. It is just the steady baseline of existence when you've got a child, and there's nothing more important than the well being of that little person.

I'm so relieved that it's so easy to be constant. That it's like breathing to keep the baby safe and happy. I'm so relieved that I'm never at odds with what I want and what's required of me. Even when I'm the most exhausted tired I've ever known.

I do long for time sometimes. For art.

But then I think about the fact that this time is fleeting and that some day in the future, a future that gets closer by the second, I will have plenty of time and that I'll miss the amount of care and attention Natanya needs from me. I'll celebrate her independence but I know I will miss this particular kind of all encompassing, all consuming, all refueling closeness...

a sort of silly ditty, an excuse to post pics of Natanya!!!

at rest

this love never tires

nor does it delay

always instant

in the moment

always more

along the way

this love does not expire

no limit to it's span

ever growing

somehow glowing

it doesn't need a master plan

this love is both the vessel

and the elixer within

the heartbeat

and the timeline

tracing everywhere i've been

this love is quite romantic

and it's really quite sublime

it's big enough to hold us all

throughout eternal time...

good news!

Happy Valentines day (a day later) but still filled with love!

We went to the eye dr. this morning and while the visit was traumatic due to the non existent bedside manner of the dr. & his staff, the prognosis might be really good!

He thinks that Natanya's eyes are improving significantly with the patching that there is an outside possibility that after another 3 weeks of patching we may be able to

avoid the surgery. It was such a rushed visit that we still need to do a bit of research to fully understand the situation but the good news is that no matter what, her eyes are improving! That's where we'll focus our attention!

Jono left to begin his tour with John Popper & the Duskray Troubadours tonight. He'll be away for a month initially and then back for a month and then back on the road for about another month. It's kind of tough for our little family but it's exciting too. The single "Something Sweet" is already getting airplay and I'm optimistically anticipating huge success for the record which will come out on March 1st.

Natanya is becoming more and more coordinated and dextrous by the minute. She's loving blocks (mostly to chew on still) but is getting better and better with the small motor skills. She's pretty confident with the sitting up at this point and is rolling all the way over again and again with ease. She really would love to be crawling/walking/moving and occasionally gets frustrated with the things she knows are possible but that she can't quite do yet. She just gets happier and happier and brighter and brighter.

I'm finally getting some creative urges and have actually started a couple of projects. I'm getting used to the 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there schedule and amazingly I don't get annoyed when time is up and Natanya wants to play.

Overall I'd say the bliss continues to grow. It still amazes me!

Please visualize healing eyes and #1 hits !!!!

Valentines greetings

Gearing up for Valentine's day!

Never before have I known such pure sweetness and un-fractured love. Natanya's emotional response to things is really very inspirational to me. Very basic and very honest and completely based on the present moment at all times. She's a girl like me who seems to feel deeply and fully and dramatically about things and is totally expressive from the look on her face to the sound of her voice to the way she moves her body... Her smiles are full hearted and her tears are gigantic.

Mostly she's happy. She's become a great flirt (wonder where that comes from?!) and easily wins hearts at every turn.

So this year as I cut out little hearts and lengths of lace, my thoughts of love are inspired. I am trying to live and love like a child. Without fears. Without weight. With wonder and with joy!

And it's easy to do when I think of all of you; my dear, sweet, thoughtful, generous friends and family.

It's full of love

this heart of mine

so wont you be

my valentine?!

HAPPY, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY AND A HAPPY YEAR OF ENORMOUS LOVIN'

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

quick update with more to follow...

I've gotten three update requests in the last day and a half, an indication that I'm slacking!

So here's a copy of an email I sent out about 3 weeks ago:

There's alot going on here these days.

Jono came back from Italy & was very pleased that Natanya not only knew who he was but greeted him with a big, sweet smile in the middle of the night!

Natanya turned 6 months old! She's growing so quickly that every day is a new and exciting event... It's hard to even give examples because she's just very subtly growing up.

We had an appointment with an eye specialist in Albuquerque last Thursday who diagnosed her little crossed eye as being a particular type of "strabismus". It is a brain, eye communication issue which we will be able to fix with 3 weeks of putting an eye patch on her for two hours a day and then ultimately an operation on the muscles of both eyes. Needless to say, while we are very thankful that it's something that can be treated , Jono and I are going through a bit of an emotional tumbling-time. The surgery itself should only last for about 15 minutes or so and the recovery time should be between 3-6 hours. Our biggest concern is the anesthesia though when I am able to separate my head from my heart I'm able to reason my way through hysteria! Natanya is doing great and she's handling her eye patch in the mornings really well. The worst part for her seems to be when we put it on and even more when we pull it off. It's like a giant band aid so it hurts a little.

On a more exciting note, she had her first solid food on her birthday. We gave her a little taste of banana which she loved! The next day we gave her quite a bit more than on day one and she seemed to have a bit of a tummy ache throughout the day so on day three we gave her less again... So we're officially on to solids! Next is sweet potato.

Also, she's beginning to really show preferences for things. For example, she'll choose specific toys from her toy box or reach towards an object or a place or a person that she wants to touch (instead of just using her voice to communicate). She's becoming more and more responsive to games like "this little piggy" and "peek-a-boo". She can sit up but prefers to stand and will sometimes make her body completely rigid if you try to sit her down . She just gets more and more smiley and giggly and cuddly and adorable and as much as I expressed love for her in the last update, the love has continued to grow and grow and grow... I don't know how but it seems to be an endless spring.

She and Jono recorded their first song the other morning. He took the melody from one of her commonly used phrases and started to sing and play and she joined right in.

Time for some rest before our little one declares it's morning!

a more current post to come, i promise!

Burning the minutes

I'm burning the minutes while Jono packs for Italy.

So here are my most recent favorite photos.

Natanya with her tree dreams and playing music with her papa. I'm ready for a project to land inside my imagination. I'm ready to spend evenings while Natanya sleeps working on something creative. I'm calling for inspiration and opening myself up for its arrival. I keep thinking I need to come up with something that I can do with no hands and with no time to spare but I've come to the realization that maybe that's not entirely realistic! So the new approach is to trust and be patient and be ready when it comes...

I'm open to suggestions; materials, colors, words, desires, dreams, puzzles...

I've also been having thoughts about a new calling. Maybe something spiritual, helpful, therapeutic, magic... but again, I guess those things choose you more than you can choose them. I've got the door wide open is all I'm saying!!!

Weird thoughts. Weird post. Probably the kind of journaling one should keep in the book. Ha.

Anyway, Jono is off for the airport early in the a.m. so I'll go and interrupt his preparations to give him a kiss.

I love love!