good news!

Happy Valentines day (a day later) but still filled with love!

We went to the eye dr. this morning and while the visit was traumatic due to the non existent bedside manner of the dr. & his staff, the prognosis might be really good!

He thinks that Natanya's eyes are improving significantly with the patching that there is an outside possibility that after another 3 weeks of patching we may be able to

avoid the surgery. It was such a rushed visit that we still need to do a bit of research to fully understand the situation but the good news is that no matter what, her eyes are improving! That's where we'll focus our attention!

Jono left to begin his tour with John Popper & the Duskray Troubadours tonight. He'll be away for a month initially and then back for a month and then back on the road for about another month. It's kind of tough for our little family but it's exciting too. The single "Something Sweet" is already getting airplay and I'm optimistically anticipating huge success for the record which will come out on March 1st.

Natanya is becoming more and more coordinated and dextrous by the minute. She's loving blocks (mostly to chew on still) but is getting better and better with the small motor skills. She's pretty confident with the sitting up at this point and is rolling all the way over again and again with ease. She really would love to be crawling/walking/moving and occasionally gets frustrated with the things she knows are possible but that she can't quite do yet. She just gets happier and happier and brighter and brighter.

I'm finally getting some creative urges and have actually started a couple of projects. I'm getting used to the 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there schedule and amazingly I don't get annoyed when time is up and Natanya wants to play.

Overall I'd say the bliss continues to grow. It still amazes me!

Please visualize healing eyes and #1 hits !!!!

Valentines greetings

Gearing up for Valentine's day!

Never before have I known such pure sweetness and un-fractured love. Natanya's emotional response to things is really very inspirational to me. Very basic and very honest and completely based on the present moment at all times. She's a girl like me who seems to feel deeply and fully and dramatically about things and is totally expressive from the look on her face to the sound of her voice to the way she moves her body... Her smiles are full hearted and her tears are gigantic.

Mostly she's happy. She's become a great flirt (wonder where that comes from?!) and easily wins hearts at every turn.

So this year as I cut out little hearts and lengths of lace, my thoughts of love are inspired. I am trying to live and love like a child. Without fears. Without weight. With wonder and with joy!

And it's easy to do when I think of all of you; my dear, sweet, thoughtful, generous friends and family.

It's full of love

this heart of mine

so wont you be

my valentine?!

HAPPY, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY AND A HAPPY YEAR OF ENORMOUS LOVIN'

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

quick update with more to follow...

I've gotten three update requests in the last day and a half, an indication that I'm slacking!

So here's a copy of an email I sent out about 3 weeks ago:

There's alot going on here these days.

Jono came back from Italy & was very pleased that Natanya not only knew who he was but greeted him with a big, sweet smile in the middle of the night!

Natanya turned 6 months old! She's growing so quickly that every day is a new and exciting event... It's hard to even give examples because she's just very subtly growing up.

We had an appointment with an eye specialist in Albuquerque last Thursday who diagnosed her little crossed eye as being a particular type of "strabismus". It is a brain, eye communication issue which we will be able to fix with 3 weeks of putting an eye patch on her for two hours a day and then ultimately an operation on the muscles of both eyes. Needless to say, while we are very thankful that it's something that can be treated , Jono and I are going through a bit of an emotional tumbling-time. The surgery itself should only last for about 15 minutes or so and the recovery time should be between 3-6 hours. Our biggest concern is the anesthesia though when I am able to separate my head from my heart I'm able to reason my way through hysteria! Natanya is doing great and she's handling her eye patch in the mornings really well. The worst part for her seems to be when we put it on and even more when we pull it off. It's like a giant band aid so it hurts a little.

On a more exciting note, she had her first solid food on her birthday. We gave her a little taste of banana which she loved! The next day we gave her quite a bit more than on day one and she seemed to have a bit of a tummy ache throughout the day so on day three we gave her less again... So we're officially on to solids! Next is sweet potato.

Also, she's beginning to really show preferences for things. For example, she'll choose specific toys from her toy box or reach towards an object or a place or a person that she wants to touch (instead of just using her voice to communicate). She's becoming more and more responsive to games like "this little piggy" and "peek-a-boo". She can sit up but prefers to stand and will sometimes make her body completely rigid if you try to sit her down . She just gets more and more smiley and giggly and cuddly and adorable and as much as I expressed love for her in the last update, the love has continued to grow and grow and grow... I don't know how but it seems to be an endless spring.

She and Jono recorded their first song the other morning. He took the melody from one of her commonly used phrases and started to sing and play and she joined right in.

Time for some rest before our little one declares it's morning!

a more current post to come, i promise!

Burning the minutes

I'm burning the minutes while Jono packs for Italy.

So here are my most recent favorite photos.

Natanya with her tree dreams and playing music with her papa. I'm ready for a project to land inside my imagination. I'm ready to spend evenings while Natanya sleeps working on something creative. I'm calling for inspiration and opening myself up for its arrival. I keep thinking I need to come up with something that I can do with no hands and with no time to spare but I've come to the realization that maybe that's not entirely realistic! So the new approach is to trust and be patient and be ready when it comes...

I'm open to suggestions; materials, colors, words, desires, dreams, puzzles...

I've also been having thoughts about a new calling. Maybe something spiritual, helpful, therapeutic, magic... but again, I guess those things choose you more than you can choose them. I've got the door wide open is all I'm saying!!!

Weird thoughts. Weird post. Probably the kind of journaling one should keep in the book. Ha.

Anyway, Jono is off for the airport early in the a.m. so I'll go and interrupt his preparations to give him a kiss.

I love love!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I've lost all track of time and of updates but that's only because time has become virtually irrelevant. Ultimate zen. Most enlightened master!!!

But Natanya's first Christmas seems record worthy. OH MY GOD WHAT FUN TO CELEBRATE WITH A BABY!!!! Even in her tinyness she was mesmerized by the magic. She saw her first fire in a fireplace, met new relatives, had her schedules totally disrupted, caught a cold (her first), LOVED opening presents and really got engaged with everything new...

I think that all the hubbub created a gigantic growth spurt. Not only is her body growing reallyreally fast but last night I woke two times to some funny, unusual little baby sounds and discovered that she had rolled over in her sleep and gotten stuck on her tummy. This morning when I opened the refrigerator to get milk for my cereal, she reached in and grabbed her teether right out of the door. She sits up propped up with pillows and laughs at the world (and my funny faces) until she gets hiccups! She sang Dust My Broom call and response style with Chris Smither the other morning and frequently sings while Jono plays the guitar... She loves being read to and is able to focus through whole books (board books). Her teething has become a very critical part of her daily engagement. LOTS of drool and really cute bibs... We're gearing up for the introduction of solid foods within the next month. Tomorrow is her 5 month birthday and she seems like such a big girl. We refer to last month as "when she was little" or "when she was a baby" which is so silly but so easy to do as we interact with our big, beautiful, growing child who has personality and can communicate so much so well...

I remember so clearly this time last year when I had her newly making her presence known inside me. How excited I felt and how happy I was. Now she sucks on her toes and makes sweet sounds and fills our home with an ever growing abundance of love.

I wish for us all a new year filled with this sense of rightness and okayness and readiness and sweetness. I wish for us all the rememberance of magic that the little ones exhibit every day. I wish for us all the patience that is required to love ourselves and each other properly, even when we feel tired, overwhelmed and empty. I wish for us all a sense of comfort and finally inspiration in all that we do. So it stays fresh and fun and new....

brrrrrrrrr

It's serious hunker down winter time around here. The heat's on, the warm woolens are out and the big socks are on! There's nothing more cozy than a little baby snuggling in though. Natanya has a funny little bald stripe (which I should take a picture of) across the back of her head because she uses her head as a rudder to scootch across the bed on. She loves to be close and warm and literally pushes us to the very edge of the bed every night.

My brain is mush but I don't really have to use it for much these days so it's okay. I've managed to sell a drawing which makes me feel good and also makes me feel some motivation to get back on track with trying to earn some extra dough from home. I'm taking suggestions and would welcome partnerships if anyone has any great ideas...

These times are amazing. Watching Natanya grow is more astonishing than anything I've witnessed before. I have always marveled at springtime and flowers and the way vegetables grow from seeds in the ground.... I have always been amazed by the sky and the sea and the relationships between everything, always finding connections....

But this is altogether something new. This tiny being who came from even tinier tinyness just grows and opens up and unfolds like magic. The little systems start to work better and better. The little bones and ligaments and all the other parts that make the body work, they all grow in unison.... I had an overwhelmed moment earlier on when I felt afraid that I was not equipped to keep her safe and healthy because she was having digestive issues that were a little scary and the voice in my head said, "Don't be afraid, just watch with awe." and so that's what I try to do. I try to watch. With awe.

And it's truly awesome!

And when I feel overwhelmed I imagine that I'm an aspen tree. Aspens are known for their shimmery leaves that seem to glisten and quake in the wind. I imagine the fear as being the quaky movement and then pull myself into the trunk. The lovely trunk. So strong and also flexible. And then I feel my roots holding me steady with the support of the deep dirt-earth.

It helps me stay calm and then I can watch with awe.

Jono continues to be superman. He's had work in the studio and he's kept the home feeling organized too. He's picked up all my slack without complaint. In fact, I've never known him to be happier. It's been an incredible experience for me to have this steady bass line during the time when I've had less time/energy/ability to be the controlling, type A person that I sometimes tend to be.

So all's well

even though it's way too cold outside!

she fell asleep on her own. first time!

a little light feather

on the warm floor

a slight breeze moves it

from an open door

way over there

she sighs in sleep

i collect these moments

in memories...