4 months!

a weird, wonky week. maybe it's time for winter to be over. maybe the stars are needing a nap. maybe the mornings are aching to be a little longer and the nights want to be longer too. maybe love is storing energy for it's big day on sunday. maybe the purring and the whirling of it all just got momentarily out of whack and will have readjusted by the time we all wake up tomorrow... i just feel grateful that no amount of wonk can shake my joy these days. i am still inside the growing glow of life-ness which has the power to bring me back to bliss if i begin to stray. my thoughts are with you, those of you who have had medical emergencies this week and those of you who may have gotten pulled however subtly or dramatically into the wonkness.

Dear George,

When talking about memories or perceptions of events with my father we''ll frequently discuss, debate, argue until at a certain point he'll pull out the old "Do you want to know the truth or what really happened?" It does seem that truth should be certain in the most consistent, concrete and undebatable of ways but then you throw in that wily aspect of the human heart/mind preference and truth becomes a slippery thing. There are realms of truth. The material world is more quantifiable but even there, truth is what one chooses to agree with. During the Bush years (and always in politics), we've seen first hand how if you call an apple an orange for long enough and with authority, masses will believe that an apple is an orange and start naming it so... Therein lies the power of media, cults, education....

I've been thinking a lot about Howard Zinn, a hero of mine who recently passed away. I was fortunate enough in high school to have had his book, A People's History of the United States as my history text book. He was a man who knew a completely different truth from the one that he like most were taught in school. I identified with the information he presented and incorporated it into my truth. But in America that truth is believed by a minority. How can truth be a subjective matter? If truth is subjective than it can't by definition exist. And so I refer frequently to that thing my father says to sort out the discrepancies between my mind/heart and the world around me. Do you want to know the truth or what really happened?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY (tomorrow)

Tomorrow is our 4 year anniversary and this year we have so much to celebrate! I found an amazing heart shaped rock which is really geode with twinkling crystal inside. Just like love, it can seem ordinary sometimes as the days go by but inside, there is always magic to be found...

I made a little basket for the heart love and I'm going to hang it up for a sweet surprise when Jono gets home from the studio late late late. I hope for us and for you and for the world, a year of magic and joy and also the ability to remember to look inside for hidden twinkling because it's always there...

week 13

Here ya go Annie. We finally started the weekly photo for the flip book but the pics are to racy for the blogspot! And they are not professionally lit so you can see every flippin' flaw!!! That said, if the project works out, you'll receive your very own weekly photo full color, dimpled, rolly-poly, fully flawed, flip book (starting from three months) in about another 6 months. The growing belly of course will be perfection!!!

Cami, I have also seen $$ signs behind my eyeballs with regards to baby paraphernalia (my font changed, not sure why, can't stop it) and now it's back to normal (not sure why, but good) but I'm moving pretty slowly these days creatively so amassing product feels daunting. I do want to try though because it could potentially bring in some much needed dough during the non working months after the peapod is born... As an aside, I just now thought that maybe we could collaborate sometime and I could make books (albums) for your photos. That could be the deluxe package....

Off now to start my day (the outside world part).

PS- thanks all for the lovely, encouraging words!

HOMEMADE

Onsies, blankets, burp cloths... I love it all! I'm going to try to sustain the homemade influence on all things, forever. Even if it becomes fewer and farther between moments when I have the time, space, energy to go full force. Besides, all the store bought things are just as adorable. So tiny it nearly drives me nuts. All those little snaps and zippers and hats the size of my nose....

I'm trying not to be a total bore with baby focus. I'm trying to have conversations with other adults that don't revert back to the state of my belly... I try to think about other things during the day and have actually succeeded for small windows of time to focus on work etc. but it's not easy! I'm going to try to blog about something totally unrelated next time. When I think of something totally unrelated you'll hear from me again...

like the flower and the wind that moves the leaves

like the floating underwater with the sunlight and the shadows from the trees

like the ancient mud beneath and the breathing easily, you are everything

you are a part of me

like the flying way up high with the view of earth and sky

like the universe above and all around us

like the rise on little wings and the way it all begins to sing, you are everything

you are a mystery

like the sunset and the moon who moves the sea

like every dream and all the saints who watch with caring and who offer clarity

like the stone who stands alone for all eternity, you are everything

you are the heart of me

A quickie update...

So far, based on everything I've been told, I've been blessed with a very easy first trimester. Nausea yes but only two days of real sick. Lots of tired, nearly constant happy, feeling healthy and definitely aglow! Jono and I wake up singing, dancing, loving...

I've waited so long for this. I don't really remember a time when I didn't want a baby. I remember in first or second grade when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I said, without hesitation, "a mommy". That said, I feel like any other time than right now would have been too soon or would be too late.

We've gotten so much love in response to the news and it's fed our own enthusiasm. Thank you family and friends! Thank you.