first birthday!!!

The first year went by like so many have said it would; in the blink of an eye!

Natanya and Jono and I have all had a most incredible first year. As individuals and as a family we have all grown so much in so many ways.

When I look at Natanya I see a happy person which is my primary goal as a parent. Her smile is so genuinely full of joy and her growing independence so free of weight. She shines and so I shine!

I was thinking that we've made it through so many firsts together and realized that for Natanya, the majority of her experience so far has been firsts. The wonder is palpable as she takes it all in. She seems to be a person who is capable of both leaping without looking and being extremely cautious as she decides what feels right and what seems comfortable. I hope she maintains both of those virtues as she grows... Her great gift has been communication from the very beginning. She seldom feels the frustration (so far) that many pre verbal children feel because she is very good at expressing her wants and needs and questions and opinions. Again, qualities that will be great tools in her life. She is good natured and sweet and outgoing and she still feels most comfortable in the arms of her mama and papa. From her safe perch she will address the world with a great big smile and a boisterous HI! She's been called "The Ambassador of Good Will" and lives up to the label.

I could not love her more nor could I be more proud of her.

Jono has lived up to the call of manhood that having a little baby and a family thrives inside of. He has maintained the steady baseline that keeps us all on track despite lack of sleep or new parent anxiety or grumpy mama mornings or overworked papa moods or needy baby days... He is a playful, fun, devoted, demonstrative, loving, adoring papa and Natanya responds accordingly. She loves him so much and watching the two of them together is among my most treasured experiences. Jono keeps me laughing and he reminds me to lighten up when I slide into times of micro management or unnecessary rigidity...

He is my dream and I'm thankful for him every day.

And me, my how I've grown. As Natanya's birthday approached I began to recall those last days of pregnancy and those many hours of labor and I kept having images caterpillars and cocoons and butterflies. Maybe it's because I've read The Very Hungry Caterpillar way too many times! But I think it has more to do with the fact that we really do change that dramatically when we become parents. I feel as though, like a snake, I've shed a skin and grown a new one. My body has changed. My moods have changed. My values have shifted. My heart has become so big that it has broken the cage of my chest and multiplies all around me every day...

My family is the most important thing to me and my extended family is more at the forefront of my consciousness than it has ever been. My friends are the people who are still here even though I'm no longer wearing that other skin. I am happy. I am contented. I feel fulfilled. I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and there's a searching place in me that no longer gnaws at my soul. The creativity in me is more like a friend than a mania (which could be it's own blog post) and I feel relieved that the muse has not left, she's just contented and so she doesn't pull my hair when I'm sleeping or play hide and seek to get my attention...

I still get way too uptight sometimes and I still make mountains out of molehills occasionally but now I can let things go. They come and they go and I somehow don't need to hang on to a mood or be carried away.

I love these wings

these gifts from my family

these gifts from the center of woman

these gifts...

Happy first year to all of us but especially to Natanya who is doing an incredible job growing in every way!!!